Who Am I Currently?

I always felt like telling this to someone, but I realized that I can tell no one about it. And I can't tolerate this any longer, I have to at least write it here.

I always thought to myself "Do I have the rights to love someone and say I Love you?" or "am I just an unknown attention seeker?" This is really annoying. If anyone realized that I don't say "I love you" verbally to anyone, it's because I don't think I have the rights to say so. Who can I actually tell? I was about to gain back my confidence I used to have in Primary School in Polytechnic, but when I saw this sentence "Who you think you are, you're not even pretty and you want to get attention."

No one knows, but it hurts me a lot. It does not only hurt me, it brings down my self-esteem by a lot. The funniest thing is that I even cried over this sentence. Everything went wrong after I see this sentence. Just because of this sentence, I see everything differently. I became super small, I dare not voice out anything. And of course my studies are affected. But the scariest thing is that I couldn't get rid of this problem. I want to be myself, being quiet is not me!!! I am not getting people's attention, definitely not, I'm not that of a bimbo person. Please trust me. That's how I am, I love being funny and making people laugh. I can't be myself when you're around.

I feel stuffed, can't breathe, no freedom to be myself. Can you please return my self-esteem and confidence? Stop telling me that I am not pretty, stop saying that I am an attention seeker, stop calling me a bitch, because I am not. Please let me do what I want. Please. I'm begging you. Please. You make me hate life, I want to live life that I want to. You have your life to bother, please don't bother me. I know everyone likes you, guys fall for you easily, you have it all. So just let me be myself, don't call me a bitch. I don't bitch around. All I want is my freedom again!!!

Seriously speaking... I thought I've made another close friend that I can depend on, and I really do love you, thinking that you're adorable and deserve loves from everyone. But now, I'm starting to hate you, because you make me hate myself.